Finally Getting ‘That’ Diagnosis — and Getting Ready to Start Medication

After years of overthinking, masking and second guessing myself, I finally have an official answer: ADHD. And honestly? It’s a strange mix of relief, grief and hope all tangled together.

For so long, I thought I was just bad at certain things – bad at focus, bad at keeping on top of everything, bad at being the kind of calm, organised adult I always thought I “should” be. But sitting in that appointment, hearing someone explain that my brain doesn’t work the way I was trying to make it work and that I need to give myself a break (Doctors orders)… it was like someone handed me the missing piece of the puzzle. There’s a saying that’s been drifting around the internet lately – “Undiagnosed but everyone’s pretty sure”. That definitley applied to me. I knew something wasn’t quite right. But trying to get a diagnosis for ‘something’, whatever that may be, has been a battle. We’ve all been almost 100% certain it’s ADHD but hearing someone confirm it, and then seeing it written down, ooof.

I’ve learned that ADHD doesn’t just mean being easily distracted (although yes that is a part of it). It’s emotional regulation, time blindness, executive dysfunction and hyperfocus on things I love. It’s why I can get lost for hours in creative projects or family plans, but completely forget to drink water. It’s why I can be the most attentive, imaginative mum one moment but and then hit a wall of exhaustion the next.

Now I’m about to start medication, and I’ll be honest, I’m equal parts nervous and excited. On one hand, nervous about the side effects, especially as it can cause headaches and I am a migraine sufferer, and about how it might change me. And on the other, excited at the possibility that maybe, just maybe, I’ll finally feel like I can breathe., like I can focus without forcing it and like I can experience quiet inside my head for the first time.

I don’t expect a magic fix. ADHD is part of who I am, not something to be erased. But I’m ready to see what life looks like when my brain and my world finally start to meet halfway.

This next chapter feels like a chance to understand myself with a little more kindness, to stop fighting my brain and start working with it. I might finally get to be friends with Rory.

It’s early days, but for once, I’m hopeful.

Xx